Confusion

Some porgs (people of restricted growth), who, on a good day, are referred to as grandchildren, turned up this afternoon. Owing to possible spillage on the new carpet, they now have to sit at the table with their drinks and participate in grown-up conversation. Today’s topic was Easter:

Shrove Tuesday was when they had the Last Supper. It’s called the Last Supper because they didn’t have any food because they were getting ready for Easter. All they had left was eggs and flour so they made some pancakes.

No. Shrove Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday which is the beginning of Lent which is when Jesus went into the wilderness. Why is it called Ash Wednesday? Silence. Something to do with smoking? Adults make a mental note to Google Ash Wednesday

Jesus was put on the cross on Easter Day. No. Jesus was put on the cross on Good Friday. Friday’s lucky. Not if you’re Jesus. So, the Last Supper must've been on Thursday. Thursday's always a good night out. Did they have pancakes?

What are you doing on Easter Day? When’s Easter Day? Silence. Easter Day’s when we have our eggs. Sunday. Yes, but how can Sunday be Easter Day? Jesus rose on the third day and there aren’t three days in between Friday and Sunday. Must be Monday then. No. Monday’s a bank holiday and they didn’t have banks then. Well, they stopped having banks because Jesus turned over all the money tables in the temple.

I think Easter Day is when Jesus descended into heaven. Do you know what descend means? Yes. It’s when he stood on a hill and a big cloud came over him. I saw a rainbow on the way here. Jesus went to heaven at Whitsun. When’s that? Spring bank holiday. We’re going to Dover then.

Why was Jesus born in a stable? Because his dad was a horse? No. Because all the inns and hotels were full up with people. Why? Because it was Christmas.

I’m going to the toilet now.