Bah humbug

Three sleeps before Christmas and I’m in Sainsbury’s at 7pm. Actually, that needs qualifying: three sleeps if you can sleep. Something weird was going on last night. I went to sleep at 11.30pm and woke up at what I thought must be about 6am...wide awake, in fact…and discovered it was 1am. Damn and blast it. At 2.30am, the dawn chorus started. What? The birds shut up and went back to bed at 3.15am equally confused. The next door neighbour’s racoon was scrabbling frantically and noisily around in its Wendy House. The BBC World Service informed me that, in Mexico, the countdown for the end of the world, according to the Mayan calendar, had begun. I worried about my Christmas menu for another hour. The winter solstice…the longest night of the year. Get on with it. Things to do; people to see.

I only went to Sainsbury’s because I still believe it to be a bit more up-market than Tesco and I was
looking for some imitation caviar. I haven’t been there since I had an unpleasant accident in the car park a couple of years ago so I didn’t know they’d rebuilt it. I spoke to a jovial looking type on the door.

When did this happen then?
About two months ago
It looks very impressive
You can’t find a bloody thing in here any more says he.

To be fair, he was telling the truth
Yesterday, we had a family outing to Longleat and it was wonderful. It’s the first year they’ve ‘done Christmas’ at Lord Bath’s joint and I have a suspicion that it will go down in history as the best. The staff fell over themselves to be kind, pleasant and helpful; nothing could be remarked upon as being over the top and you could choose the timing of your events beforehand. It was almost understated. The best bit was the Santa Special. We thought it was just the Jungle Express with a bit of tinsel until we rounded a corner and found ourselves at the snow-covered North Pole. We disembarked and walked past the open log fire up to Santa’s shed. Each child had an especially chosen gift and the cheerful St Nick knew everyone’s names. (I forgot that, when I booked this in September, I’d submitted names and DOB). Back on the train, Santa came down the path and waved us off. Fabulous.

And in Sainsbury’s, I can’t find the so-called caviar. I’ve had three different people unsuccessfully search the aisles. Neither do they have any smoked salmon or anything else that might satisfactorily sit on my blinis. Blinis which, incidentally, are not available at Tesco according to their website and which Leonie purchased, perchance, at…Tesco. I tell the man from the butcher’s counter not to bother as I’ve lost the will to live and along comes a dear friend with her husband. No sleep and stuck in this ridiculous place with the only consolation being that I won’t have to do this next year as the world will have ended. Then I get introduced to the husband. Talk about a laugh a minute. She’s so nice. How did she end up with him? I can’t wait to get home and have some fun sticking pencils in my eyes.

In Wareham this afternoon, we go to Re-loved. You just know it’s going to be a nice shop with a name like that. Old stuff: some of it as it was and some recycled. My eye is caught by a beautiful 1930’s necklace which I silently admire before moving on. Ten minutes later, Leonie spots it

Look at this

And the kind shop-owner allows her to try it on. And, with thoughts of a wedding, Leonie buys it. And the shop-owner wraps the purchase with all the care and taste of a French sales-person. In each shop, regardless of whether we buy anything, there is conversation and shared delight of the unique goods on offer.

And in Sainsbury’s, I stand alone, minus the imitation caviar, in a state of depression. The man-child has called from Thailand and I was out. The woman on the checkout is sympathetic.

What were you looking for?











I can barely bring myself to mention the fish roe. They’ve already sent someone off on a mission to find the vanilla pods. Now, against my wishes, they send someone to locate the caviar. I know they won’t find it. Just as I’ve paid for my purchases, a woman returns brandishing a small jar of said roe.

Bugger. I wanted two of them but I haven’t the heart to say so.