Nine green bottles.....

Actually, they aren’t green and neither are they bottles but I don’t know a song about nine old ladies sitting on a wall. However, if things continue in the same vein, I might have to invent one. To be truthful, I didn’t foresee a theme developing when I was back in Dorset the other week and came across the first lady sat on the wall outside daughter number one’s house. Come to that, I didn’t even see the lady until I tripped over her dog on the way to my car in the dark. Well, what passes for the dark round here. You want to see dark? Go to Cornwall. And why do people have dogs that clearly have a pedigree going back to the hound of the Baskervilles on those stupid elasticated leads? The dog seemed ok but its owner wasn’t looking too good. Green, actually.

Me: Are you ok?
Old Green Lady: No. It’s my back
Me: Can I take you somewhere? Home?
OGL: No. The dog won’t like it.
Me: I can get the dog in the car
OGL: No. He wants to walk home

I gave up. Couldn’t persuade her. Anyway, having got a good soaking at Worbarrow Bay today, I was on my way back via Wareham when I spotted another one sat on a wall with her sister and no dog. I pressed on, got struck by guilt at the next roundabout, did a complete rotation and at the risk of life and limb crossed the oncoming traffic. These two were ancient.

Me: Are you ok?
OGL’s sister: We’re waiting for the bus
Me: Yes, but is the other lady ok?
OGL’s sister: No. She can’t walk
Me: Can I take you somewhere? Home?
OGL’s sister: Yes. We’d like to go to the theatre in Poole to see the Mikado.

By the time I’d emptied the car of detritus, got the sister in the back (2 door saloon) whilst propping up the one who couldn’t walk, got the extremely old lady in and buckled up, the bus had been and gone. Off we set like a re-make of Last of the Summer Wine with everyone clinging on for dear life. There wasn’t much in the way of interactive conversation owing to the fact that two out of the three of us were deaf and the one nearest me was either mute or just couldn’t be bothered to make the effort. This didn’t stop the one in the back:

Are you familiar with the Mikado?
Birmingham’s a nice place.
We’re newcomers. Only been here twenty years.
The Sainsbury’s in Wareham is too small.
My sister doesn’t like Saturday markets.
I think things will change in the future.
Do you often have company in your car?
Are you a walker?

Unexpectedly finding myself at Poole Lighthouse, I nipped in once I’d unloaded them and purchased a treat: a ticket for the Messiah at student rate. Three down, seven to go.